Newborn Life with Finn

Thought I'd give it a go at this blogging thing again since I know I will regret it if I don't record some dialogue along with the millions of photos I take of him each month. But which 'mom' really has the time to blog anymore? I barely have time to blow dry my hair or put the clothes from the washer into the dryer...there really is no good time for me to blog. So when I have the urge, blog I will. 

(two above were taken on his fourth day of living! we were laying in the sun because he had slight jaundice)

Things I want to remember of Finn as a tiny tiny baby:

-The way he made noises while sleeping. We swaddled him (like everyone told us to, even though he hated it) and laid him on his back until he was 6 weeks old. Once he laid on his tummy, no more sounds and started sleeping through the night.

-The way his hands had to be near his face at all times.

-The way he would get lost in time and just stare into space.

-The way he would laugh in his sleep when he'd hear us laughing.

- How alert he was from day 1. People comment now (he's 4 months as I type this) how alert he is, but if they remember back from when he was brand new, he has always been like that!

- How he loved the water. One of his first baths, he started literally belly laughing when we laid him in the water. Drew was holding his arms up and had him facing the water- while I washed his skin with soap... and the babe wouldn't stop laughing! One of my favorite memories.

(day 4)

-Another memory was when Finn was still sleeping in the bassinet beside my bed, and I had JUST laid him down. Drew was standing pretty close to the bassinet, charging my phone or something as I was laying in bed, and he had to sneeze...(his sneezes are INSANELY loud..I always tell him they're unnecessarily loud, like he can control the volume but chooses not to) so he had to suck it in and it made the weirdest wheezing sound, and we started laughing SO HARD! 

-How massive his hands & feet were for his body. Still are! We joke about his occupations as a grown up. NBA player..piano player.. 

-When he would get startled, his hands would go out to his sides. My favorite.

-How cross-eyed he always was. See below pic (day 4)

- The way he hated to be laid on his changing table to change his clothes/diaper, then one day, poof, he loved it and would even smile! It made my week!

- The way fussed in his car seat until I came back there and kept him company. Let's just say my new spot in the car is in the middle of the back seat now. I'm cool with it. 

- The way he loved when we sang "Away in a Manger" to him. I would rock him to sleep singing that and once recorded it on my phone and left it in the crib with him so he would stay asleep. That's the joy of having a newborn close to Christmas!

-The way his tongue was always sticking out..he does it still from time to time but not that often.

Drew's mom was here the day after (I think?) he was born and stayed for 5 or 6 days. Those were precious moments and I'm so glad she got to experience them because she does live in Utah and only gets to spend time with him every few months. She's amazing too,  I look up to her so much. We got to sit on the couch all day staring at Finn sleeping while she was making the most amazing meal my tongue has ever tasted. One morning she had dinner finished in the crock pot, the kitchen was spotless and Finn was asleep in her arms. Drew came back upstairs to the bed and told me how amazing that was! Yes Drew she is amazing I said! Can she never leave??! :)

Newborn life with Finn really rocked.my.world. Before Finn was even in my belly, I had this idea of how I would be as a mother. I have always had an amazing imagination. I imagined myself as being the mother that would know exactly what to do and when to do it. And getting into a mom-baby routine fairly quickly after baby's birth. And maybe I do have high expectations on a regular basis...so what. Sue me. But I wished I had seen on a first hand basis what life was really going to be like once the little munchkin arrived.

(day 5)

First, it's sleep. Wow do I really thrive off sleep. Most people do I suppose. But I'm not talkin just needing 6-8 hours a night. My body always has needed at the least, 9 hours. Ask anyone in my family. I'm a sleeper! And while Finn was a big baby to begin with, Doc let me know it'd be okay if he slept through the night without needing to eat. But of course, everyone and everything told me to wake him every 3 hours or he'll starve. Ya right. Shoulda listened to my baby and my doctor. Well my doc didn't tell me that until weeks after he was born. But he told me that I could have been doing that! Ha! 

Second, it's breast-feeding. Ok let me tell you how much I love love love breast-feeding. I really do. And Finn has always been such a champ at it... and I am just as natural at it as I thought I would be. But those first few weeks, every time he'd cry, it wasn't cuz he was tired or had gas. It was because he was HUNGRY. And sooooo dependent on me. My poor mother in law saw me at my worst, for sure. She would bring the little man into our bedroom telling me he was hungry and I would straight up tell her there was no way in h*** he was hungry. (When clearly he was but I couldn't see straight or think straight to  know what was happening). I started thinking that she & Drew were against me and were tired of holding a fussy baby that all they wanted to do was give him to the girl with the milk. And I was so tired after I'd feed him for 45 minutes, that I would give him back to them. So really the only time I'd spend with him (besides sleeping next to him) were when I would be holding him. That depressed me. Once I got over the fact that yes- he's dependent on you for as long as you will breast-feed, things got better for me. If he took a bottle or a pacifier, they'd be 100% better, but until then, I will take baby steps.

-another bit on breastfeeding- WHY can't we all just be cool with it? Why have breasts become so sexual that the thought of seeing a mama feeding her baby via breast- becomes a vulgar site? I really wish there could be a change. I even get strange looks from people when I am completely covered, and so is finn. he could be sleeping for all they know. 

Third, my new life as a 'mom'. I am a planner. I like to know when things are going to happen, how they will happen and why they're happening. Just typing that out now I am laughing on the inside because I am sure if I took the free "Baby Basics" class my midwifery offered, I would have been told that there is no 'planning' life with a newborn. I quickly became the mom that never wanted to leave her house with her baby because he was so content sleeping in my arms and if I left, he'd be awake and not getting the sleep he needed. Or he was eating so often and for so long and everyone is so uncomfortable with breastfeeding, covered or not covered, that it was too much of a hassle to do it outside my home. Or he would start one sleep pattern that would be going great, like 8 hours a night at a month old, then switch it up and have a crazy growth spurt and go back to waking up every 2 hours. My friends were all having the time of their lives and all moms but all super moms to me. In my head I could never be like them because in my head I was drowning and couldn't come up for air. The dishes in my sink would keep rising (when before, I couldn't go to bed without doing them), the car would stay a mess, photos would stay unedited, clients wouldn't get emailed back for days rather than hours..the list goes on. And the times I would mention to people about my exhaustion or whatever was bothering me about my new life, they would all say "leave the house a mess, your baby is only so small." That would infuriate me! Because in my mind, a clean home is a happy mom! I need to be that happy mom I want to be! My mind couldn't relax when the pantry is in disarray. Is that so bad? So then some say to that- clean your home at night! When he's sleeping. Well, I do that now, during the day & his naps, but during his newborn stage, I was too exhausted to do it then. I would try to sleep when he slept. So then I started feeling bad for thinking of cleaning. As if I wasn't spending time with him, when really that's all I was doing. But my mind would have been much clearer if my home wasn't in disarray. 

Now I hope this doesn't sound like a complain-post. I really don't want to come across as a complaining mom because I don't like to read blogs like those myself. Just writing this to be honest and true. I wished I had read more honest blogs while I was pregnant just so I knew what I was REALLY getting into haha.. And to be frank, if I could skip the newborn stage with each of my children and go straight to 3 months old, I totally would. I say 3 months because that's when Finn started sleeping completely through the night (12 hours!) I'm sure each child will be different. And I am so lucky he sleeps so well. I know sleep is a huge issue for a lot of moms, new or old. God really knew that if Finn wasn't a good sleeper from day 1, I'd throw him out the window or somethin. Ha. Joking :)

I sorta kick myself when I think about my times of complaining when Finn was waking up once or twice in the night. I have nothing to complain about! He really is a dream baby. Only fusses when he's exhausted or hungry. And he NEVER spits up. Okay maybe he has like 4 times in his life...when I don't burp him. He's super mellow. Maybe that's why I would get antsy when he would cry because we really never heard him cry much!

Someone in our ward came up to us when Finn was I think around 2 months old. It was the week before he was blessed I think. he told us something like this: the minute we stop trying to adapt baby into our old life, everything will be good. That really helped me see things in a light and stop trying to do everything I could do before he was born. We certainly are trying our best and I guess that's all we can do for now!  

My Birthday

My birthday was super simple which is exactly what I wanted! I was very uncomfortable from the basketball on my body so I opted out on a weekend trip in San Diego (kicking myself now because I would kill a man to do that right now..strangely not as uncomfortable as I was then.) but it was perfect! We woke up late and ate good breakfast, opened gifts (iPhone 5 & a nice pair or Nike's running shoes) then headed up to Emerald Bay in Laguna to spend the day with family and a few friends. Lindsay brought lemon custard cheesecake with cherries on top (favorite!) and my parents made sandwiches for everyone to munch on all day. My grandparents were able to come which was fun because it's Grandma's birthday too! Then we went home, sunbathed and all, and quickly got dressed in my birthday outfit from Lindsay (thanks again!) and headed off to PFChangs for a delicious dinner! We didn't even care about how much it was, we ordered everything under the sun. It was perfect! We talked about the future, near and far, and laughed at how many bathroom breaks I needed. Ha.

Maternity Photographs

My dear dear dear friend Amanda (and Ella & Ben) were nice enough to take these for us. She JUST had a baby, well had by these photos- so it was really sweet of her to walk down a trail to take these. I love having these pictures WITH Drew because he is as much apart of this babe's life and my pregnancy as I am. I couldn't have asked for a better partner through it all. (Although I did tell him the other day I would appreciate it if he stuck on an extra 25 pounds that includes a fake belly and walked around for a day. Just to appreciate me a little bit more :)I was 32.6 weeks pregnant and looking at these now (as 38-39ish weeks)..I think there is no way that was 5 weeks ago! NO WAY that my belly was that big then. Looking from above, down at my belly, it really doesn't look that big. But I realize it is by photos and people's looks when I'm out and about. Haha. I will tell you- shop at Trader Joes while pregnant. They treat you like a queen! I love it! And the Post Office. I go there a lot selling Etsy stuff and they'll let me cut in line or box up my stuff for free! It's amazing!

Had a check up yesterday. I am dilated to a +1 and more than 50% effaced. Bring on the babe!

Click here to see her blog post and here to see her amazing family they've created!

32-36 weeks

Above: 32 weeks. My sis Bree was hangin at our house and so I had her snag some of me and Drew. I remember this day I had the AC soo nice and cool in our house that I got to wear a sweater..because this record breaking summer of heat was killing me. So when I walked outside it was quite hard to take a few shots in a sweater! Baby was soon about to drop..little did I know that would be the most amazing and painful thing ever!

 34 weeks. This was at a reception in Sundance I was photographing. I went to the bathroom like 8 times because by now baby is VERY LOW!

36 weeks. On our way to midwife check up. He looks so high in this picture but its not true! Lies! His head is pushing down so far into my pelvic bones that I felt as if I was going into labor that day. And this non maternity shirt should never be worn again. And these pants have just about reached their limit. Too tight!

The BEST tomato soup around

A few of us started a "craft night" that will happen once a week (or we will atleast try!) where we come together to eat, chat & work on whatever project it is we need workin on! Some of us actually do work on stuff ;) while others come just to be with friends. Which I love. Sometimes we are too busy chasing kids around at the beach we don't actually get talkin time in.

Last night I made a tomato soup that I've eaten at my mother-in-law's home plenty of times to know that I need to make this ASAP. I'm kicking myself for not making it a lot sooner. You are literally licking the bowl afterwards and having your third bowl- even if your stomach can't handle it. So here is the recipe! Super simple in my book.

Creamy Tomato Soup
Serves 4

Ingredients:
2 tbs butter (I used salted)
1 Onion
1-2 Garlic Cloves 
(1) 28 oz can of tomatoes (I used Trader Joes' PLUM Tomatoes. Yum)
1.5 cups of stock (I used chicken flavoring from TJs)
1/2 cup heavy cream
Salt & Pepper

Prepare:
Peel garlic (even though it's the biggest pain in the behind) & put in a bowl with cut the cut onions. The onion cuts don't need to be small at all because you end up blending it later. 

Method:
Melt butter in medium-large stockpot over med. heat. Add & cook onion & garlic. Add can of tomatoes  & stock. Simmer for 10 minutes. Puree (to where you see chunks but not HUGE chunks) & add the heavy cream, salt & pepper. Serve right away!

(I made the soup before everyone came over so just heated it up in the same pot right before I served. And I was surprised I actually pulled it off! Go me!)

20-28 weeks

 20 weeks- This week we were staying in Sandy with Drew's family. My memory is so foggy and I don't remember why we were there.. oh wait I think it was because I had engagements to photograph, these ones so we made a trip out of it. The weather wasn't hot yet so that was nice. But I was still exhausted all the time and having trouble sleeping. Looking back I am very grateful that I wasn't uncomfortable yet. 20 weeks is a good time in pregnancy. I finally felt like I had a bump to show off, rather than major bloat, but not too big to where I couldn't exercise or whatever.

21 weeks

24 weeks- by this time baby is moving around like crazy! I'm starting to tell where things are- or at least have good guesses. Mornings are mainly when I feel him at this point. But also can notice him while I'm moving around during the day, which I think is really exciting because that means he's growing!

28 weeks- this morning was the same day Drew's family came to stay at my parents for a week while MY parents & family were in Jackson Hole at my Aunt's. The previous weeks we had Abby, Sam & Rikki stay with us at all different times. That was fun but probably would have been more fun for them if I had not been pregnant :/ My energy levels were very low and I couldn't cook a solid meal. But other than that, I was loving my belly and everything that was coming along with it. (even the things you never hear about until you panic and research all about it to know why that is happening! :) We got CABLE the week before! We weren't much TV watchers because we were used to watching stuff on Hulu but we knew that it'd be so nice not to huddle around a computer while in bed and watch something together. 

Weeks 11-16

Recently, I think about how I need to blog and how in later months I will totally regret not having a record of all these things. My short term memory is pretty bad so I can't really record much now! 

I was pretty sick during these early days. I didn't think I would be one of those women that would be bed ridden because of it, but I really was. Drew had to stop asking what was for dinner, and started taking Lady out for more walks so she would be bugging me while he was working. It was SUCH a blessing that I didn't have any clients to deal with or photos to edit during this time. It really was a tender mercy. And besides the morning (all day sickness), I had intense fatigue that made it really hard to do anything for a long period of time. If I did one errand, I'd be done the rest of the day..and I'm one of those- do every single errand you can fit into in one whole day so you don't have to do one everyday during the week type thing. So that kinda messed with my head a bit. 

 11 weeks- first time taking a prego shot. This was while Halen & Asher were visiting. Asher came down to work with Drew and we didn't tell Asher we were pregnant..until one night, I was making pasta (easiest dinner ever!) and I said something like-sorry I haven't cooked at all this week for you- and here's why! And here's our ultrasound! I remember standing at the stove and he was right next to it- in shock! I told him I was really sick and being in the kitchen just really made it worse. Then we couldn't wait until Halen would come into town so we could all tell her together! She's been through a lot of it with me with past pregnancies and conversations of how bad it hurt when everyone else would announce their pregnancies while I was even wondering if I could ever go full term with one. SO that was fun when we picked her up at the airport and I was just about 11 weeks. I gave her a gift- maybe a birthday gift? Don't remember if it was a real gift or just an U/S tucked inside. Then we went to a gas station to get some soda and chocolate bars :)

13 & 3 days-  during this week I had an appointment and while the midwife was listening to his heartbeat on the doppler, she noticed how often he was kicking.. and I said ya I have been feeling him for a week now! AND Drew could feel him kick. They were light kicks but definitely noticable. That freaked her out because it's very rare for that to happen so early on for a first time mom. She ordered an ultra sound and at my 17 week appointment, they measured that he was a week ahead, bumping my due date to Oct 15. Kinda disappointed because she thought for sure he would be an entire month ahead..making it a September baby! OH well.

16 weeks

So far

I haven't been very good at blogging- with either blog lately. I am not really that busy of a person. Just don't really feel like I have anything to say or show anymore! People that hear about my everyday activities just laugh because they wished they didn't work or whatever it is. I do wish I had something to do, so I try to stay busy, whether it's cleaning a certain part of my house, or all of my house, or knitting (new hobby and I'm lovin it!), YW stuff (I'm secretary), taking Lady for 3 hour walks so she comes home and sleeps for 3 days straight (the best!) or surfing. Or hanging on the sand with friends. Let's just face it. If you know me, you know I can't really work for anyone. That's why I have my own photography business!

So far my pregnancy has been a healthy one- but I have had my ups & downs with morning sickness. I  was telling a friend today how I couldn't really remember what it was like not being pregnant. And here I was 5 months ago wishing so badly I would be pregnant, and I would do anything for morning sickness. I still would, if that meant a healthy baby, but my views have changed and I totally get why people would limit their family size because of how productive they are while pregnant. I used to have this view that pregnancy was such bliss (just because the end result is such bliss in my mind) that I just thought your belly gets big, and a baby comes out 10 months later. For some people, it is and I envy them while I'm looking over my "bowl". Yesterday was a monumental day though where I only felt nauseated right before I closed my eyes (rather than alllll day long) and I think it was just because my body was so tired. But not once during the day was I dry heaving or anything. I loved it! I'm starting to feel the baby move more & more everyday. They're really light kicks- like as if your eye twitches and I only feel them when I'm laying down or digesting. He likes to stay on the right side of my belly and in the morning is when I really see it. The ultrasound tech lady said that a lot of times they find a good spot in the uterus and hang out there most of the time! Kinda fun.The baby is all we talk about and it's crazy how just in 6 months our lives are going to change FOREVER. We are ready for it, just wishing sometimes we could slow down time and really sink it in. We have named baby -Finn. Still thinkin on a middle name. I've had this name picked out (since before I even saw Glee, ok!) and love the fact I get to finally use it! Get it out of my system! I don't know if Drew would have let me do it for a girl. I just can't see myself naming him anything different, and I love that Drew calls him that too- like "What does Finn want for dinner?" or "It's a good thing Finn's making you sick" or "How's baby Finn?" Then I get really (not so) funny words from Drew like "Wow, you look fat! Whoops (as he covers his mouth!)" or this was yesterday "You look like humpty-dumpty! I'll show you a picture online so you can see!" Hm. These are really fun to hear. Ha! It is mind boggling to see a body change and getting ready to house a human body for months. I'm ready to get out of the chubby/bloated stage and onto the uncomfortable fun stage of actually looking pregnant. That will be a relief!

December Update

Not quite sure who really is even reading this blog anymore, so hello if you are. To be honest, I never read blogs anymore. Like ever. Sometimes I will click on a few links on my side bar. Half the time, they haven't updated or there is just too much happening on it I just click out of it. But I definitely have my go-to's.

Anyways.

This last middle of November- now has been the craziest busy I have ever been. Even while in school. I love being busy, but not during the holidays! All I want to do is snuggle and play and sleep in. Guess that's what grown-ups do, is be busy during the holidays right? Shoot.

We are here in Utah (finally!) after months of anticipating Christmas here. Not too snow-y, but definitely very cold. And we have our Lady here! We are excited for games, skiing and lots of quality time. We need a break from everything and it will be nice to just hang out.

Speaking of skiing, we just did a weekend trip in Big Bear with my family, as sort of our Christmas since we wouldn't be there. We spent half a day snowboarding. I finally got to see Drew's mad skills and he was really good! I'm sure he's even better in Utah snow. We also celebrated Micah's 6th birthday. We played a few christmas "minute-to-win-it" games and did a silly game that I'm not supposed to blog about. :) Here are some photos I took from the 3 days:

Lately with Lady

Lately, life has been nothing short of BUSY. I feel like my old self again, while at school I mean. When we first moved here, all I did was sleep in, go to the beach, come home, take a nap, and do it all again before bed time. I was a little worried that that was my new life. Now, I wake up at 7 sharp, we switch off mornings of taking Lady out, and the etsy shop-making stuff making begins. Or I get called into Anthro. All I want to do is wrap all the presents we've bought for our family and friends (yes, we are totally done now!) and drink hot cocoa and catch up on old shows and blog. I am loving this etsy stuff though. I've purchased a lot, yet sold a lot, so I feel like I'm justified in shopping online.

Thanks to my lovely Drew, our fake tree is up and I decided this year to not put any ornaments on it because I think it's so pretty just plain. He said he thinks that's the German way of decorating trees. THEN, I saw the "holiday" box in the garage, and saw all the ornaments Drew's bought for me in the past. We bought one in Bali (it's a mermaid, I love mermaids!) and he usually each Christmas, buys us a snowflake ornament. I now have a Swedish one and a wood one. I love them. So, our tree is no longer simple and pretty, it's cluttered with only about 8 collected-over-time ornaments. And, our tree is also in a basket because we have no idea where the bottom went. Go us!

Did I mention that our house has never looked so bad. And I haven't made a meal in probably 3 weeks besides simple bruschetta pasta. Then I have a few family shoots to edit. I want to do it all, but there is just not enough time in one day! The best part is, Lady loves to be near me, always. She switches off though. If I'm not home during the day for a good three days straight (black friday week at Anthro), she becomes very attached to Drew. But otherwise she is at my feet or lap.

Right now, Lady is snoring below my feet on a pillow, in the sun. I have to be very quiet and I'm using the day today to CLEAN. I can't wait, except I can't make any noise or she wakes up and follows me. She is so tired that she gets anxious, because she needs to be by me always! I'm sounding very redundant, right? I feel like this is what it would be like to have a newborn. They need all your attention, always. And when they're napping, it's the only time to get stuff done, like really get stuff done, unless someone else was paying attention to her. But man that dishwasher needs to be emptied so my sink can be emptied, but those dang dishes make so much noise there is just no way. All I can do right now is make the bed because it's quiet.

Here I go. Wish me luck!

I'm in a much need for a vacation in the sun (because I never see it anymore) and with lots sleeping.

(Sorry, there was really no point in writing all this, other than to get it out of my head and listen to my Lady snore. She falls asleep when I'm sitting at the desk.)

Who knew?

I feel like I've been neglecting my journal by not writing on my blog as frequently as I want. We've been really busy. With puppy and all, life seemed to just got a lot more hectic than it needed to. Who knew that having a dog is probably a lot more stressful than a child? Well, maybe not true, but she's our child, until we have one of our own (which could be centuries from now!) so for now, she is all we talk or think about. I never thought I'd be one of those people, but oh well. Such is life.

I've been selling these burlap stockings on Etsy and had no anticipation of them actually selling. Who knew? So it's been consuming my every moment when I'm not working at Anthro. Ya? You forgot I work there? It's really fun (and I'm still saying this after I worked all day today at black friday), but who knew retail would be so much work? I have a lot more appreciation for employees at the stores I frequent and will forever hang up the clothes neatly on the hangers, hand them my "go-back" clothes, and make sure when I'm on the floor, I will pick up clothes that accidentally fall off the hangers. The list goes on, but those are the main ones that cause my back to ache.

I haven't surfed in weeks. It's killing me and I need to get my body wet real soon before I freak. Then I think about my wetsuit and how it's just not as thick as I'd like. Shoot.

We just visited Utah for an entire week. It was a lot of catching up with family and friends, and a little music here and there. I loved being there and seeing everyone, but I realized a lot more of how much our lives have really changed since we moved, and how our lives are here now, not there. It was weird. I felt like I had gone on vacation for 6 months and was back. Then I had to shake it out of my head and remember our address and our new lives. We missed Lady and never want to leave her again!

Thanksgiving yesterday was really nice. I slept in (well kinda) and I went to feed the homeless with some family while Drew surfed with my brothers. The church that organized the feeding, didn't organize very well, and we weren't needed. So we left. Then I went home and showered and did some more stockings for my etsy peeps, then we headed over to my parents where I continued making stockings, while we watched Ellen and ate junk food. Then over to the Devines for some of G's glorious cooking! I always love spending time there I'm so grateful they're our family!!

Until next time blog..until next time.

My birthday- big 23

This is almost 3 months late, but whatever. This is how my day went: