Mar 22, 2013

Newborn Life with Finn

Thought I'd give it a go at this blogging thing again since I know I will regret it if I don't record some dialogue along with the millions of photos I take of him each month. But which 'mom' really has the time to blog anymore? I barely have time to blow dry my hair or put the clothes from the washer into the dryer...there really is no good time for me to blog. So when I have the urge, blog I will. 
(two above were taken on his fourth day of living! we were laying in the sun because he had slight jaundice)

Things I want to remember of Finn as a tiny tiny baby:
-The way he made noises while sleeping. We swaddled him (like everyone told us to, even though he hated it) and laid him on his back until he was 6 weeks old. Once he laid on his tummy, no more sounds and started sleeping through the night.
-The way his hands had to be near his face at all times.
-The way he would get lost in time and just stare into space.
-The way he would laugh in his sleep when he'd hear us laughing.
- How alert he was from day 1. People comment now (he's 4 months as I type this) how alert he is, but if they remember back from when he was brand new, he has always been like that!
- How he loved the water. One of his first baths, he started literally belly laughing when we laid him in the water. Drew was holding his arms up and had him facing the water- while I washed his skin with soap... and the babe wouldn't stop laughing! One of my favorite memories.
(day 4)

-Another memory was when Finn was still sleeping in the bassinet beside my bed, and I had JUST laid him down. Drew was standing pretty close to the bassinet, charging my phone or something as I was laying in bed, and he had to sneeze...(his sneezes are INSANELY loud..I always tell him they're unnecessarily loud, like he can control the volume but chooses not to) so he had to suck it in and it made the weirdest wheezing sound, and we started laughing SO HARD! 
-How massive his hands & feet were for his body. Still are! We joke about his occupations as a grown up. NBA player..piano player.. 
-When he would get startled, his hands would go out to his sides. My favorite.
-How cross-eyed he always was. See below pic (day 4)

- The way he hated to be laid on his changing table to change his clothes/diaper, then one day, poof, he loved it and would even smile! It made my week!
- The way fussed in his car seat until I came back there and kept him company. Let's just say my new spot in the car is in the middle of the back seat now. I'm cool with it. 
- The way he loved when we sang "Away in a Manger" to him. I would rock him to sleep singing that and once recorded it on my phone and left it in the crib with him so he would stay asleep. That's the joy of having a newborn close to Christmas!
-The way his tongue was always sticking out..he does it still from time to time but not that often.

Drew's mom was here the day after (I think?) he was born and stayed for 5 or 6 days. Those were precious moments and I'm so glad she got to experience them because she does live in Utah and only gets to spend time with him every few months. She's amazing too,  I look up to her so much. We got to sit on the couch all day staring at Finn sleeping while she was making the most amazing meal my tongue has ever tasted. One morning she had dinner finished in the crock pot, the kitchen was spotless and Finn was asleep in her arms. Drew came back upstairs to the bed and told me how amazing that was! Yes Drew she is amazing I said! Can she never leave??! :)

Newborn life with Finn really Before Finn was even in my belly, I had this idea of how I would be as a mother. I have always had an amazing imagination. I imagined myself as being the mother that would know exactly what to do and when to do it. And getting into a mom-baby routine fairly quickly after baby's birth. And maybe I do have high expectations on a regular what. Sue me. But I wished I had seen on a first hand basis what life was really going to be like once the little munchkin arrived.

(day 5)

First, it's sleep. Wow do I really thrive off sleep. Most people do I suppose. But I'm not talkin just needing 6-8 hours a night. My body always has needed at the least, 9 hours. Ask anyone in my family. I'm a sleeper! And while Finn was a big baby to begin with, Doc let me know it'd be okay if he slept through the night without needing to eat. But of course, everyone and everything told me to wake him every 3 hours or he'll starve. Ya right. Shoulda listened to my baby and my doctor. Well my doc didn't tell me that until weeks after he was born. But he told me that I could have been doing that! Ha! 

Second, it's breast-feeding. Ok let me tell you how much I love love love breast-feeding. I really do. And Finn has always been such a champ at it... and I am just as natural at it as I thought I would be. But those first few weeks, every time he'd cry, it wasn't cuz he was tired or had gas. It was because he was HUNGRY. And sooooo dependent on me. My poor mother in law saw me at my worst, for sure. She would bring the little man into our bedroom telling me he was hungry and I would straight up tell her there was no way in h*** he was hungry. (When clearly he was but I couldn't see straight or think straight to  know what was happening). I started thinking that she & Drew were against me and were tired of holding a fussy baby that all they wanted to do was give him to the girl with the milk. And I was so tired after I'd feed him for 45 minutes, that I would give him back to them. So really the only time I'd spend with him (besides sleeping next to him) were when I would be holding him. That depressed me. Once I got over the fact that yes- he's dependent on you for as long as you will breast-feed, things got better for me. If he took a bottle or a pacifier, they'd be 100% better, but until then, I will take baby steps.

-another bit on breastfeeding- WHY can't we all just be cool with it? Why have breasts become so sexual that the thought of seeing a mama feeding her baby via breast- becomes a vulgar site? I really wish there could be a change. I even get strange looks from people when I am completely covered, and so is finn. he could be sleeping for all they know. 

Third, my new life as a 'mom'. I am a planner. I like to know when things are going to happen, how they will happen and why they're happening. Just typing that out now I am laughing on the inside because I am sure if I took the free "Baby Basics" class my midwifery offered, I would have been told that there is no 'planning' life with a newborn. I quickly became the mom that never wanted to leave her house with her baby because he was so content sleeping in my arms and if I left, he'd be awake and not getting the sleep he needed. Or he was eating so often and for so long and everyone is so uncomfortable with breastfeeding, covered or not covered, that it was too much of a hassle to do it outside my home. Or he would start one sleep pattern that would be going great, like 8 hours a night at a month old, then switch it up and have a crazy growth spurt and go back to waking up every 2 hours. My friends were all having the time of their lives and all moms but all super moms to me. In my head I could never be like them because in my head I was drowning and couldn't come up for air. The dishes in my sink would keep rising (when before, I couldn't go to bed without doing them), the car would stay a mess, photos would stay unedited, clients wouldn't get emailed back for days rather than hours..the list goes on. And the times I would mention to people about my exhaustion or whatever was bothering me about my new life, they would all say "leave the house a mess, your baby is only so small." That would infuriate me! Because in my mind, a clean home is a happy mom! I need to be that happy mom I want to be! My mind couldn't relax when the pantry is in disarray. Is that so bad? So then some say to that- clean your home at night! When he's sleeping. Well, I do that now, during the day & his naps, but during his newborn stage, I was too exhausted to do it then. I would try to sleep when he slept. So then I started feeling bad for thinking of cleaning. As if I wasn't spending time with him, when really that's all I was doing. But my mind would have been much clearer if my home wasn't in disarray. 

Now I hope this doesn't sound like a complain-post. I really don't want to come across as a complaining mom because I don't like to read blogs like those myself. Just writing this to be honest and true. I wished I had read more honest blogs while I was pregnant just so I knew what I was REALLY getting into haha.. And to be frank, if I could skip the newborn stage with each of my children and go straight to 3 months old, I totally would. I say 3 months because that's when Finn started sleeping completely through the night (12 hours!) I'm sure each child will be different. And I am so lucky he sleeps so well. I know sleep is a huge issue for a lot of moms, new or old. God really knew that if Finn wasn't a good sleeper from day 1, I'd throw him out the window or somethin. Ha. Joking :)

I sorta kick myself when I think about my times of complaining when Finn was waking up once or twice in the night. I have nothing to complain about! He really is a dream baby. Only fusses when he's exhausted or hungry. And he NEVER spits up. Okay maybe he has like 4 times in his life...when I don't burp him. He's super mellow. Maybe that's why I would get antsy when he would cry because we really never heard him cry much!

Someone in our ward came up to us when Finn was I think around 2 months old. It was the week before he was blessed I think. he told us something like this: the minute we stop trying to adapt baby into our old life, everything will be good. That really helped me see things in a light and stop trying to do everything I could do before he was born. We certainly are trying our best and I guess that's all we can do for now!  


The Framed Lady said...

I love this! When I read about stuff that you go through, I feel like I'm looking into a crystal ball of my future.
Pretty much everything about my pregnancy has been the same as your pregnancy. Really bad morning sickness, showing really early, having a boy. You make it look easy! I hope I look as good as you do.

The Castletons said...

Hey Elise! Loved reading this post. I'm glad mommy-hood is getting easier. I think we all look back and see things we would have done differently. I know I look back and realize I worried too much about breastfeeding. And I felt the same way you did. So hopefully it goes better this time around :) Hope you guys are doing well! Miss all of you!

Jo said...

Somehow stumbled upon your blog and I'm so glad I did! I'm so so glad you wrote this post. These are all the things I'm exactly worried about having a baby, and this was strangely comforting to read that my fears are true - ha, is that weird? It's so nice to hear the realistic things so I feel like I can be mentally prepared. You seriously mentioned all my fears. ANYWAY, your blog is great :)