Apr 20, 2010

In a cage.

So many doubts/thoughts run through my head every semester during finals week, and usually in this order, and usually during winter semester:
Am I going to pass all my exams? Every single one of them? I wish all my classes were photo classes; none of this biology crap. I wish my general teachers realized we aren't taking this general because we are sincerely interested in learning this subject. It's a requirement!!! Man I really wish I was done with school. Why am I even in school? Photography is more of a practice than it is a studied medium. I would rather study some other form of art so I am more well rounded. But I am happy I am studying photography, it sets me apart from the "i'm a mom & photographer, i'll shoot your wedding for $1000", I just wish it was all I was studying I guess. Man I am so happy I'm not doing the BFA. Do my teachers look down on me since I didn't apply for it? Do they think I'm lazy now? I'm sure they know I'm hard working, I'll just remind them before graduation. I wish I could study in California or Hawaii. I would take either in a heartbeat. I need to swim in the ocean everyday, not only during breaks of school. It's killing me. Everyone around me is making me feel like I will be stuck in Utah for the rest of my life...why? Why are they even worrying about me and not themselves? I have always wanted to end up where my family is, and all my family is in California, with their kids. One day I'll have kids, one day. Not a day while in school. So that means I MUST finish school efficiently. No more taking 4 classes per semester. Oh man that means I have to take 6 classes for fall AND winter. That will be tough but rewarding once I'm done. I'll be done with BYU, won't shed even a little tear, and done with Provo. Am I going to pass all my exams? Especially when it's so warm, trees are bloomed, and I just want to be laying the sun with a good read? Or because I am so stressed, all I want to do is clean the house, repaint rooms, finish my crafts, put up frames that have been sitting against walls, instead of doing flashcards. Just wait.

1 comment:

Ben + Amanda said...

Feel ya sista. Those EXACT thoughts have been running through my mind the past few days as well. Just hold on till tom, and then we can be free (atleast for a few months right?!)
Funny reading this though because I seriously can relate to almost every single thing you said, even the utah part...even though I'm from utah...hmmm.